My body and facebook.

Okay, I admit it. I like my body. There are even days, I love it. After dealing with bouts of bullemia, dating a body builder and spending 2 hours a day in a gym, then marrying a balanced, wonderful man, having three babies and fighting my way back into shape, I am an unpopular minority. Despite the fact that I make my food choices with care and consciousness and workout HARD nearly every day, I joke about being a skinny bitch as if my efforts are designed to hurt people. I am happy to take the jabs about how it isn't fair and how I need to be examined for a tape worm, I know the truth and so does any skinny bitch you see over 40.

That is one of the many reasons I feel an affinity towards gay men. They get the same pressure to be thin. They respect my habits that keep me this size and feel no threat by it as no matter how good I might look, I am no competition in their playgrounds, just window dressing.

I spent one of the most magical days of my life with an ex boss and his partner in Provincetown this summer. Freed from the responsibilities of my family and job for 24 hours, I took a ferry out of Boston, drinking a chardonnay and eating cashews for lunch. I felt completely liberated. When we docked, my friend was there waiting for me, happy, and glowing with love for his partner. It was one of the first perfect days of the summer of 09. Sunny, breezy, coolish still, just perfect.

After a wonderful afternoon of attending a tea dance and having a home made dinner and great conversation, we went out dancing. My beautiful escorts took their shirts off as is standard practice in gay bars at a certain hour, and though I really hadn't planned on it, I was talked into the same. I did a quick inventory of my undergarment, a cute , full coverage, supportive bra from Walmart. With my skinny jeans, I figured it was a look that would work for a fruit fly, or lady bug or whatever the term was for the lucky straight girl. I had a picture or two snapped and ended the night, cozy on the couch, the only girl in the condo complex, and safer than in my own bed in suburbia.

I saw the pictures the next day. There were more pics than just the bra shot, and honestly, my favorite is a shot of the three of us on the roof deck, the sun setting behind us, huge smiles...I can't even think of that shot without smiling and sighing a contented sigh. However, the shot of me in my bra is the best shot of my body ever. I mean, I am just a housewife, (now!), no personal chef or even a gym membership. I got the housewife designation in part, because of my body and facebook. My boss thought the picture should come down. I disagreed. He decided "to go in a different direction." My thoughts, good luck finding someone as up tight as you and your "angels" who funded your one corporate client operation and like Whitney Houston's character said in "Waiting to Exhale", "enjoy the low life while you can." I am enjoying the high life, with my real friends, my so much cooler than you'll ever be husband, and my tight abs. In other words, "bite me."

Another day, another white trash experience

Why would anyone think my joking about my being white trash isn't funny? Hello, have you heard of Jeff Foxworthy? He has this whole thing about "Rednecks" in which he admits to making fun of and yet, being one. Alright take notes if you don't get it, I was raised in a snooty town in CT, I finished High School, College and Graduate School. I got married and THEN had kids. I like wine, goat cheese, lobster, clothes from Talbots, even...reading. I also like pizza, saving money, cheese puffs, bacon, country music, the dollar store. See? it is the juxtaposing of my tastes, and the fact that I know the word juxtapose, that enables me to use self deprecating humor, (to say nothing of pentasyllabic words. )

I did have another WT experience today. Price Rite in Woonsocket Rhode Island. MY GOD, the prices are so low you would swear there are children labor laws that must be bent or their really are Keebler elves. It is also a bare bones shopping experience where most aisles don't have shelves as much as open boxes, the cashiers WILL NOT bag your food, or even let you bag it as they ring it, and forget about finding hoity toity items like bean sprouts, asian spray on dressing, or whole wheat flour. I went there with Nat after the Family Dollar store, conveniently located in the same plaza. We brought our reusable bags, (kinda hoity toity apparently), but she did have a dirty face and was delirious with sleep deprivation. In general, we fit right in. We purchased a cart full of food, including meat, dairy, frozen, the whole shebang for 105 and change. Seriously.

Positive Spin

After researching all the best places for working moms to work and finding out there are some amazing perks being sold and more importantly, bought, I still wasn't feeling it. No matter how comfortable or profitable you make being at work, balance isn't something that takes addition, at least not for me. Apparently, it takes subtraction.

Allow me to explain, or like Enigo Montoya, (Princess Bride) would say, "no, will take too long, allow me to summarize", in the past year, I have left one job because of a lecherous corporate leader who thought drinking with him was a job requirement, and been terminated from a start up due to misjudging, and thus facebook friending, the ...can't think of a good adjective... boss.

So where to now? With a lot of work towards minimizing expenses, and a rockin' husband who I think is like my special tutor for the universe, I am not jumping into anything. Nope, that isn't true, I am starting one of those home party businesses, but that is just a little jump. I am not committing my family or my self to anything that is going to soak up too much energy for a good long time.

I am not going to close up about who I am, what makes me laugh and cry, and I am rethinking the whole paradigm for how I want to live. Being 42 is really a great place to be. Like Reba says, I might be throwing pennies into the fountain of youth, (it used to be more like twenties but I am on a budget now), but I have earned every last laugh line on my face. I am going to be working on putting more up there on my real estate and on any other faces I can.